One of the issues that I’ve become aware of in recovery, is that I set myself completely unrealistic goals. This is probably the result of my crazy perfectionism combined with the fact that most of my self-worth tends to derive from making other people happy and the external validation that comes as a result. Maybe you can relate!? So I’ve found myself in a completely impossible situation, where I am devoting all of my energy to making everyone around my happy, but whatever decision I make feels like a selfish one (despite not actually considering my own feelings at all!). This has basically led to massive anxiety, the serious compulsion to binge and a constant throbbing headache for the past week. As my title might suggest, I have felt as though I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, with no apparent way of solving my predicament.
What I’ve realised is, that it isn’t my predicament at all. I cannot make everything perfect for everyone else, because frankly I’m exhausted and suffering and I have my own battles to fight. So today I said to myself ‘NO MORE.’ I cannot carry this guilt any longer because it doesn’t belong with me. I turned down a coffee invitation from a friend (which I never find easy to do), I went to the gym for a de-stressing (moderate & healthy) work-out, I cleaned my house and now I’m about to paint my nails which I’ve wanted to do for two weeks! The headache is gone, my anxiety has decreased, and it’s 6:30pm and I’m yet to have the urge to binge and purge. RESULT!
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve not found it easy to give myself this much needed attention. It’s felt like I’m letting people down that I really care about, but in having today to myself I’ve gained the perspective that I desperately needed. I wanted to blog about this because I think people-pleasing is something a lot of us ED sufferers struggle with, probably because often we lack self-esteem. I find it doesn’t take a lot for me to completely lose sight of my own basic needs, while rushing to aid of friends and family. If this is something that you do, see if you can find some time each day to focus on your needs too. You might just want to start off with small things, like taking a bath, listening to music or painting your nails! Treat yourself, you deserve it =)
Rhi
Loved this.Very important,very very important.I know you know that.Thing is,people pleasing is like an eating disorder.There are NO boundaries-only your per-conceived ideas of what it is to please somebody.So it's ridiculously hard to measure your success in pleasing people,which is why you might even try HARDER to make sure others are happy with you...Does that make sense?!Lol,it did in my head.When I was reading this I was like 'No,No,No!!!'.Isn't it amazing to be able to see so much when it ISN'T your own situation?!?!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean, its so true!! Thanks so much for checking out my blog babe! I can follow you now =D xxxx
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